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When I was growing up, I use to live with both of my parents but I only really hung out with one of them. My father. He always took my brothers and I out to play with the other children and out to eat and just anywhere in general. When he was out with friends, he would still take us with him just so he would have us close to him. I don't remember everything from my childhood but when it comes to him, there was never a bad memory. Never. If we wanted something, he wouldn't hesitate to get it for us.

Well, as years past, my mother got to become a certain type of way to where she could not stand my dad. Everything he did had irked her last nerve and she would always caused an argument with him. One day, she had had enough of him and decided to move away and told us to lose all contact with him. He wasn't allowed to see or talk to us and he didn't know where we lived so it was pretty difficult for him to find a way to communicate with us. I had seen him only once after we had moved and it was only because my mother wanted something from him. We met him at a friend's house and when he saw us he had just broke down and cried. Ever had a loss for words? I didn't know what to say or do to make him stop. There was nothing I could do. "Don't cry," my voice cracked. I extended one hand out towards him but I stopped midway. This would not help the fact that this would probably be the last time I saw him. The last time he would see us. I put my hand down and looked away to where my mom was. I didn't know how to feel. I didn't cry, I just looked at him until he was finished talking. He gave me money to spend and his phone number which didn't do any good since, at the time, I did not have a personal phone. i couldn't let him call back and my mom answer so I never called it. My mom had found it and threw it away anyways. There wasn't much I could do in this situation.

My mom was a pretty strong, independent woman. She did not let anything stop her. She loved us as much as our father did. But there is no changing her mind. She attempted to take us out but eventually, she knew she couldn't get through to us as our father did and began to resent us for it. We were the spitting image of him and our morals were similar. She still tried her best to take care of all five kids on her own which is not easy for anyone. She taught us some things though. She taught us to be strong in tough times and to never shed a tear for any reason. If you want something, she definitely made you earn it. She loved us all the same but she couldn't help but favor my older siblings more because they were bigger and smarter than the rest of us. 

As more time past, we grew much further apart from this town and our mother. One by one, we each moved out once we turned seventeen. 

It's been over eight years, almost nine now and we're all pretty grown. My oldest brother just had his first child the other day and my oldest sister has been serving in the army for years now. I lived on my own with my boyfriend and we won custody of my autistic brother from DSS together. So I have a pretty busy life.

But one day, I searched my father up and sure enough. His name and picture popped up. I messaged him and for a while I got no answer so I thought maybe he just doesn't get online anymore. Which kind of bummed me out.

Well, months past and then one day, I get a message while I was at home late one night. He had sent me a friend request and messaged me back. We had awkward small talk for a little bit then he tried to call me through messenger. I honestly panicked like you see people do on T.V. My heart was racing really bad and I ended up just letting it ring until it said it was a miss call. I was terrified. My boyfriend didn't know what was up with me but he wouldn't understand. I haven't talked to this man in years. What if he didn't care like everyone else said? What if he isn't the same person I know anymore? A lot can happen while he was gone. I didn't know what to do but I wanted to talk to him so I messaged him back and made up some lame excuse as to why I didn't answer his call.

We talked for a little while then I just flat out asked him if he knew who I was. He said, "I know this name. My daughter has a name same as yours. I haven't seen her in a long time. I miss her so much."

LET ME TELL YOU I WANTED TO CRY SO BAD.

I just spilled after that and told him why I haven't been in contact. Who was preventing me from seeing him and talking to him. Where we went and what happened. He said he missed me so much. I fell asleep while talking to him. The next morning he called and I finally worked up the nerve to answer. He could hear him having trouble with English. His voice was a little cracked and I asked what was wrong. He told me he hadn't slept all night because he was happy to finally talk to me. He asked how everyone was. He told me he asked everyone around the area we lived if they had seen or heard from any of us every other month. Each time he asked, they all said the same thing. We straight up ghosted and he still kept trying to find us.

My dad is still the same person he was when I lived with him. It may be stupid to some people that I miss my dad so much but it is seriously the hardest thing to do to let go of someone who means so much to you. You simply cannot let go, especially if they never hurt you and only wanted the best things for you. This man put everyone else before himself but he put us, his kids, before all of them. I am so happy, like you guys don't understand. I can tell how much he cares and how hard he tried to find us and communicate with us. He live several states away now but I hope he stays in our lives from now on. 

No, thank you.

Lately, I have been feeling a little down and everything I do or say is wrong. I'm having the worst of luck on everything. I, like every other teenager, have low self esteem. But I hate when people tell me I am ungrateful and don't appreciate things. I am happy with the things I have and everyone I have in my life right now. I consider myself lucky. I have people who love and support me and I am doing right by finally continuing school. Also working as much as I can with my school schedule to get all of my bills paid. Like please do not make me feel like a piece of shit just because I have more important shit to worry about. If it makes you feel better to push people down and hurt them emotionally then please stay out of my life. Like you read online, in order to have a happy life, you have to get rid of all the toxic people. Thanks.

Death Note Review

Alright, so I know it is a little late or whatever but I like to talk about Netflix's adaptation of the amazing anime, Death Note. When I first watched the anime series, I wasn't quite sure why everyone enjoyed it so much but after sitting on it for a minute and waiting it out. I grew to like everything about it. But the show is not what I wanted to talk about.

So, every time I get on a social media page, I always see a couple of comments about the movie that came out this past August. They all said the same thing like, "Wow, that was great," or "They did a good job and made it better than the original." And I'm just sitting here thinking, NO BITCH, QUIT LYING. I had some free time a couple of days after it had been released and was super excited to see how it turned out because it was all anyone and everyone would talk about. Well, it was quite the disappointment. My boyfriend caught a quick glance of it while he was playing his video game and not even two minutes had past and he told me how awful he thought it was. Most of the things in the movie was off. If you were going to take a masterpiece like Death Note and remake it, at least attempt to be accurate if you were going to use terrible actors. But lets talk about them, shall we?

Light's character was kind of a genius and kept his emotion in checked 98% of the time but in the movie, he was a complete pussy. Thanks Nat Wolff, you're greeeeaaaat. You're the best female screamer ever. If I was Ryuk, I'd be laughing at your ass too. His character was a complete idiot until the end of the movie when he write up a plan real quick to get rid of his girlfriend and get the book back into his possession. But other than that, he made all of the wrong decisions. He wasn't even close to what little family he got in the movie. His character was a little shithead. Also, if you were going to change his last name, why Turner?? The absolute dumbest thing this poor Light Turner did was instantly reveal the death note to that psychotic hoe, Mia. Lord help us all. You dun fucked up this time boy. 

Then L's character. While my boyfriend didn't like his character either, I found him quite tolerable. He reacted to things like I think he should've so I had little to no problems with him. I would be hella upset too if the guy I knew my whole life was going to die, shit. Watari is like my second favorite character in the movie by the way. He only had small scenes but he did his job well. I don't have much to say about these two. Yeah, L was played by a black guy but with the background he had in the movie, made it work. 

And the worst character of all was played by Margaret Qualley who I think is an excellent actress but I don't think Misa, or Mia Sutton, was portrayed correctly. I absolutely CAN NOT stand Mia Sutton. Mia was a complete bitch. She used him when in the show, Misa just wanted Light's love. She had a certain admiration for him because of how he was using his death note's power. Mia Sutton, however, is a little twat who gets off on killing people. She never had her own book or shinigami. It seemed like the only reason she started dating Light was because of the book. The first scene she was in seemed like there really could be some real sparks between these two characters but later on, it turned cold and ugly. If you truly loved someone, you would never never never never everrrrrr put their name in a death note. How stupid can these character's get?! However, I did find it clever how Light had killed her off and saved himself. That right there was pretty amazing. She had a chance to live but she made a stupid move and it was lights out for Mia Sutton. I don't know, man. I just hated everything about this character.

The BEST character in the movie, hands down, was Ryuk who was played by the talented Willem Dafoe. What a great actor. I wasn't quite sure how I felt about this at first because obviously, there was a Goblin, from Spider Man, feel to the character. But how else were the going to portray Ryuk. He was on point all throughout the freaking movie! He looked pretty good considering how they did it too. The way he entered each scene, moved, talked; All of his scenes were great. No joke. 

I don't know if I just flat out dislike this movie because of how much it is inaccurate to the show or what but this movie was super fucking awful and if you haven't seen it yet, don't. Just don't. Save yourself some time and go take your dog for a walk or something. Doing your homework would be less torture than watching this shit. If it wasn't supposed to be based on Death Note's anime series, it would've been okay. Maybe. 40 from Rotten Tomatoes whatttt. LMFAO.  

If I Had One Wish...

If you had one wish, what would it be? 

For me that's easy. I wish I could read minds. 

Not everyone opens up to you the way you want to. Not everyone tells you the truth. Not everyone tell you how they really feel about you. The ability to read someone's mind is a big deal. Edward Cullen was lucky. He had it easy but he didn't see it that way. Because we lack the ability to do so, it causes a lot of doubt. Confusion. Insecurity. People don't want that. It causes a lot of pain and humans are just too fragile. Their minds weaken and their self esteem lowers. Reading minds, in a sense, would give a lot of people some peace of mind. They don't want to be led on by someone they start to crush on, they don't want to be friends with someone who secretly hates them or talks shit about them, and they don't want to be around someone who lies to them. That right there is the line I do not allow people to cross. Let me find out who lies to me and I swear you won't find me pretending to be good pals with that bitch. You won't find me dating that dumbass. Never. I'd rather be alone forever than accept that shit with open arms. That's what I don't understand about some people. How can people be so stupid and continue to date someone who cheats. If you were allowed to have the ability to read minds imagine seeing someone you love look at someone else the way you look at them. The people who go back to the idiot who cheated on them, imagine seeing what they did with the other person through their eyes. How can you sleep next to that? How can you want that? 

People leave out so much. You ask someone something, nine times out of ten, they don't tell you the whole truth. Give them a second to to think about your question and in that second, they edit what they really said in their head. Isn't that what you learn in school? To paraphrase? Some people leave out the good thoughts and they exaggerate something other people said or did way too much.

That's not what I want. I want the whole story. I want to know what lingers in the darkest parts of your mind. I want to know what distracts you in class and what keeps you up at night. I want to know what you think when you see me. I want to know how you feel. How you really feel. Because to me, knowing is everything. 

-Restoring Asians

Wet Duck

So this weekend, we had the annual International Festival. Which is basically a really festive set up at the local park with several tents displaying different cultures and whatnot. You receive a passport and you go around to each tent learning about each land and of course, we try to go every year. This years main focus was Finland. Which I was not really interested in learning about and don't think I remembered anything from the festival about Finland. I went with my boyfriend and two brothers and we brought along my puppy, Yuki.
Well, anyways, this festival is taking place right around the corner in town and anyone and everyone tries to be there and it is ridiculous on how many old friends you run into. You ever see someone and wish you hadn't? Yeah, me too. Well, you had to play nice anyways when they approached you. I ran into co-workers, school mates, old neighbors, etc. If you didn't know anything about me before, please know that I am not very good at small talk. It is not being I do not like you, sometimes. It is because I am a very awkward person like talking to me in person is like trying to communicate with a duck at the lake. It isn't gonna go well. I do apologize in advance if you were the poor unfortunate soul who tried to walk up to me and start a conversation. I'll tell you guys now, it only lasted about five minutes before one of us walked off. Most of the time it was me, getting away saying I needed to find a good place for food cause my brother's are hungry as an excuse. I strongly dislike talking to people in person but I love going out to new places and doing things. Weird, I know. And to make things worse, there was a slight chance of rain and it did. Once I got there, it began pouring like the tornado was planning on hitting us. My dog pretty much shivered the whole time. If she wasn't so small, I could've gotten her a doggie raincoat. My boyfriend wasn't even into all of that jazz and just wanted to try all the foreign foods. So my experience was pretty bad this year but on the bright side, we did enjoy some bomb ass Cambodian food and a fruit bouquet from my Hispanic friends.
Just something to share with you guys.
- Restoring Asians

New Beginnings

Hi guys!
I am back! So most people have been requesting that I continue to use my blog again. I enjoy writing and it is the only other thing that will help me because I not want to go to a counselor to "hash things out." I don't care what kind of professional you are, I still don't know them and refuse to let them dig into my brain when I can easily express myself elsewhere. I will be ranting and giving advice to anyone who ask. I am twenty years old and I just started college. I am undecided and I work part time at a fast food restaurant so yes, I will have a lot to say about a lot of things that I usually are not allowed to say in person. Cause everyone has something unpleasant happening in their life everyday so you can join me too if you would like. Feel free to let me know your thoughts.
Thanks,
Restoring Asians.